


Cold Water

by Wifeofbath



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, No Smut, just feelings, shaynor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23156218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wifeofbath/pseuds/Wifeofbath
Summary: After Leviathan, Samantha confronts Shepard.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Samantha Traynor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	Cold Water

**Author's Note:**

> I live!
> 
> So, after a very long hiatus, have some Shaynor courtesy of social distancing and the Covid-19. I'm a bit rusty, but this was not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

Samantha punched in the call button again. Vega was a couple of inches from her shoulder, staring down at the screen.

“Page her again,” he ordered.

Samantha looked at the data trailing down her screen. Three combat camera visuals on her other screen. Two showed the rainy deck of the Despoina. Brutes charged through the sleeting rain only to be pelleted with bullets by Vakarian and Williams. The third glowed red with a white ‘signal lost’ message. 

She typed in commands to her console to widen the search area and strengthen the signal. She had started sweating the second Avery had jumped into that mech and said she was going over the edge. Samantha was sure she had let out a yelp loud enough that James, who was running the CIC for the mission, had looked as if he were ready to relieve her for the remainder of the mission.

The only thing worse than being there to watch Avery recklessly dive into the ocean to face down an unknown threat would be waiting in the mess hall and praying she came back up alive. Her fingers danced across the console. If Avery was out there, if it was possible to connect, she would figure it out. Her hands were damp with sweat and she paused long enough to wipe them.

“Did you hear me specialist?” Vega was close to roaring, “Page her again.”

She whirled, “I am doing everything I can, Lieutenant Give me some damn breathing space.” Her last words were a bit breathier than she would have liked, her voice threatening to crack with tears. She was just a comms specialist doing her best. She had counted on never being deployed, much less being stationed on a war ship during an honest to god war. She was a lab rat, not a warrior. She turned back to her console. At least her words had the desired effect, the lieutenant took a step back.

She looked back at the console and hit the page button. 

_Searching for signal…_

_Searching for signal…_

_Searching for signal…_

Samantha held her breath. _Come on Avery_ , she begged, _come back to me_.

_Signal not found._

Samantha’s heart plummeted. She heard a muttered, “goddamnit” from Vega. Her signal was as strong as she could make it. She pounded a fist against the desk. Think Traynor, think. Her fingers tapped the console again, abandoning distance and focusing on strength. If Shepard were close to the surface she might be able to get something through the water. They had gotten her first transmissions after she had hopped into the Atlas and sunk below the surface, just an hour ago, after all. Then the connection had cut out.

_Searching for signal…_

_Searching for signal…_

_Connecting…_

“I’ve got her,” Traynor proclaimed, nearly crowing with relief, “linking her back in now.”

_Connection succesfull_

She glanced at the combat cams and her heart sunk. Vakarian and Williams were blurring with motion as the two fought for their lives in the pouring rain. Shepard’s was still as a grave- that was anbad metaphor, Sam stopped the thought there- It was still though, and focused half on the console, half on the glass viewport. It was tilted as if Avery had slumped sideways.

Vega was over her shoulder again, “that doesn’t look good.”

Samantha squinted at the screen, “at least,” she said, “it looks like she’s headed up. She might be okay, she’s close to the others.” Her heart pounded.

C’mon Avery, give me something.

She heard Vega grunt. “We’ll see.”

Samantha scowled at the screens, “she’s going to be fine. I know she is.” The words sounded weak in her own mouth. She didn’t know. She desperately hoped Shepard was okay. Maybe she was just unconscious. The pressure in the cockpit of that thing must have been tremendous, but the seals had held. It wasn’t full of water. Chakwas hadn’t pinged any respiratory problems, so it still had oxygen. She could hear one of the medical specialists railing off a list of numbers. She wanted to listen, but she knew, to give Shepard the best chance, she needed to focus.

Samantha paged the ground team, waiting for a gap in comms. A mis-spoken word at the wrong time could break their concentration and disrupt their ability to hold. “Commander Shepard is less than fifty meters from the surface. She may be wounded, possibly unconscious.”

“Understood,” Garrus barked, “ready to get out of here Williams?”

Williams chuckled, “getting tired?”

“Tired? No. Cold and wet? Well, I wouldn’t mind getting out of the rain.”

“You just want to quit while you’re ahead. What are you at?”

“Twenty-seven. You?”

There was a pause, the sound of gunfire, “twenty-eight.”

Samantha kept her eyes on the helmet cams. Twenty meters, then ten. Water poured down the viewport as the Atlas surfaced. Vega was beside her, watching the cameras. The second the Atlas had surfaced Vakarian had been watching it close as a hawk, providing enough covering fire to let Shepard have some space to get out.

The hatch opened and, through Vakarian’s helmet cam she saw Avery lean forward grabbing the handle to disembark, miss it and tumble to the ground. Samantha gasped, one hand covering her mouth as one brute charged towards her limp form, then another. Avery let out a gasp, and tried to pull herself to her feet, then collapsed forward again. One of the brutes raised his claw, ready to go in for the kill. The other ambled over, almost casually, then stumbled.

Samantha held her breath. Vakarian and Williams were raining gunfire down on that thing, but it was going to be too late for Shepard if they did get it down. The second brute suddenly lunged, but not at Shepard- at the other brute. The two grappled a moment. Vakarian, gods above bless him, took the moment of confusion as a chance to dart forward and grab Shepard. He wrapped an arm around her and she stumbled beside him, legs moving sluggishly as she tried to keep up. 

Once they all hit the shuttle Samantha stumbled a step back from the console, ripping off her headset. She panted with stress. Vega put a hand on her shoulder, “you did good Sam.”

Samantha let out a sigh that nearly ended in a whimper, “is she…?”

Vega frowned, “I don’t know. Doc’s getting med bay ready.”

Samantha wiped her hands on her pants. Her palms were sweaty and more sweat stung at her eyes. Or were those tears. Vega kept his hand on her shoulder an extra second, gave her a bracing nod, and left the CIC. Samantha followed a few minutes later, still feeling like her heart was pounding out of her chest.

Going down to the shuttle bay to wait was right out. She’d only be in the way. That went double for waiting in the med bay. The last thing she needed to do was get in the way of Avery and Dr Chakwas. Dr Chakwas would be livid and she did not fancy facing down the wrath of Karin. And, of course, it could endanger Avery even more. More than she already endangered herself.

Samantha settled on heading for the mess. She’d have a cup of tea, and if she happened to see Avery on her way to medbay, well, so much the better. She had barely taken a sip when the elevator opened and Chakwas, Vakarian, and Williams came careening past. Sam craned her neck trying to get a look. Avery was deathly still, and her lips were blue; blood trickled from her nose. That could mean a couple things, biotic over draw or…or… hadn’t indoctrination victims had similar symptom.

Frowning, Samantha took a sip of tea and tried to peer through the medical bay windows. She saw, for a bare second, the monitor showing Shepard’s vital and then the windows darkened. After a brief moment Williams and Vakarian left. They were soaked to the bone and Williams was leaving a puddle behind her as she wrung out her hair.

Garrus glanced once behind him, until Williams put a hand on his shoulder and nodded to the elevator. Doubtless, they were headed back to the armory. Garrus glanced around, his eyes settling on her. He hesitated then walked over. Samantha glanced up, realizing the look in her eyes was pretty similar to the look her childhood dog had gotten in his eyes when he wanted attention.

“She’s conscious,” he said without preamble, “but cold. Apparently the suit didn’t protect her from the depressurization.”

Samantha nodded, trying to form words, “thanks,” she said finally.

Garrus’s mandibles flared in the turian equivalent of a smile, “she wanted me to tell you not to worry, but…I have the feeling that’s like telling her not to take those kinds of risks.”

Samantha nodded, “that sounds on brand.” 

He nodded and headed towards the elevator, “Chakwas is probably sending her to her quarters soon.”

Samantha sipped at her tea. Really, this whole situation would have best been avoided by not showering in Shepard’s room just a few months ago. Then they never would have…well, Shepard’s favorite hoodie would have gotten a lot less wet. A lot of things would have gotten a lot less wet.

Now she was monitoring missions and gasping with terror every time she watched Avery throw herself into a situation that should kill her. She hadn’t thought she would develop such strong feelings so quickly, at first she had thought it was the war, but Avery had a way…Well…Samantha was falling in love. And how could she not? Avery was funny and sweet, a little rough around the edges, but damned if she wasn’t as sincere as they come.

That, and, she was a mystery. How does a woman raised on the streets, alone, with no parents or siblings or anything, rise to become the hero of humanity- the shining spearhead of the assembled galactic forces against it’s greatest threat? Samantha wasn’t quite sure she had the answer to that question, but she felt she was starting to glimpse the woman Avery carefully hid beneath her N7 armor. And that woman, Samantha realized, needed someone to see her, and love her.

If only that didn’t involve so much sitting around, drinking tea, and fretting.

The doors to medical swished open and Chakwas poked her head through and gave Samantha a wry smile. “You can come in now specialist.”

Samantha grinned at her sheepishly and stood. 

Avery was sitting on the side of one of the medical beds, her armor had been strewn on the ground and her undersuit pulled down to the waist. She still looked pale and, if Samantha wasn’t mistaken, her fingers were trembling ever so slightly.She grinned at Samantha as she started to pull the undersuit back up. 

“I got ‘em, Sam. Leviathan is with us now.”

Samantha smiled, “good, love.”

Her face had a new crack, just beside her mouth. It glowed a inhuman orange. Her eyes were redder to, a light that shown from behind her pupils. It was a stress reponse, according to Chakwas. Her boy’s reaction to cybernetics from an extensive reconstruction she had never really allowed herself to recover from fully.

“Bed rest,” Chakwas called from where she was working on her console, “twenty four hours at least.”

Shepard grimaced as she continued dressing, “I just need a nap and,” she shivered suddenly, stopping to wrap her arms around herself, “Maybe a warm shower.” She winked at Samantha. “Zip me up?” she asked. Shepard gave some quick orders to EDI routing all vital correspondance through Williams, who had quietly stepped into the role of Shepard’s second since she had joined the crew just a month or two ago. It had been a relif for Garrus, who had been busy with Hierarchy business as well as handling Shepard’s correspondance in her absence.

Summoning a smile, though Samantha felt a stab of horror at realizing how little Avery realized how frightened she had been, Samantha zipped up the mesh undersuit and held out a a hand, “let’s get you up to your quarters.”

Chakwas followed Shepard’s gaze at her armor, “don’t even think about it Commander. I’ll call Private Campbell to take care of it. She should be off duty. Avery sighed and nodded reluctantly. For just a moment, Samantha saw exhaustion play across her features. She moved slowly, as if her joints weren’t quite cooperating. Samantha could see she was in pain despite her bravado. Shepard was very good at bravado.

She offered Shepard an arm, but the woman pushed her away gently, “don’t worry so much, I’m fine. A bit sore.”

Chakwas made a scoffing sound and Avery chuckled softly, “I know doc. I’ll take it easy.”

It was a short walk from medical to the elevator and Samantha did her best not to hover. She continued to do her best not to hover as Avery walked to her quarters. Shepard made it through the door and then stopped, leaning hard against the wall, breathing heavily.

“Avery?” she questioned, “Are you-…”

“I’m fine,” Shepard waved her back, started to stand upright, then slumped against the wall again, “maybe help me out of this?” she said after a moment. “Doc said the soreness will get worse before it’s better.” Samantha nodded, eyebrows knit in concern. She hit the button to start the shower water.

Samantha undid the top few inches of the zipper and brushed her lips against Shepard’s neck. “I’m pretty gross,” the commander said, but sighed in pleasure.

It wasn’t a good taste. Shepard’s skin was ice cold and tasted of salty sweat and brackish seawater. Samantha finished unzipping the undersuit and helped her pull it down. Shepard was barely moving by the end, jaw clenching in pain with every small movement. By the time she was undressed she was shivering almost violently. Samantha from behind, wrapped her arms around Shepard.

“I’m sweaty and covered in reaper juice,” Shepard said wryly. Still she huddled backwards, leaning into Samantha’s warmth. She really did feel like ice.

Samantha pressed her forehead to Shepard’s shoulder, “you’re alive.” She whispered, “the water should be warm,” she added after a moment, “I’ll join you in a moment.”

Shepard went to take a step then hesitated. She blushed and it was the first time color had filled her cheeks since she had arrived back from the mission, “I’m actually gonna need your help with that. Decompression’s a bitch. Chakwa’s did some kind of treatment…. But… it’ll be a couple days.”

Samantha was already sliding out of her clothes and looping an arm around Shepard, “c’mon darling, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Shepard leaned against the wall of the shower, sighing as the warm water hit her. “This is warm,” she said, half smiling. “I forgot what it was like to feel warm.”

Reaching for the soap and washcloth, Samantha smiled, “so was it worth another brush with death.”

Shepard reached for the washcloth and Samantha grabbed the shampoo. “I think so,” Shepard said, she started to wash her upper body still leaning against the wall. “Leviathan’s a heavy hitter too.”

Did she even realize how scared Samantha had been? How scared everyone had been? “We couldn’t raise you on comms. Your signal went out.” She hesitated, then smiled shyly, “I may have yelled at your Lieutenant.” 

Shepard looked up sharply, “you yelled at Vega.”

Samantha nodded sheepishly, “lean your head back.” She pulled Shepard’s hair out of it’s bun and started to rub in the shampoo and Shepard hummed happily. “I’ll keep you in mind next time he needs a good bawling out.”

“Yup,” Samantha said, “right after you put me on bomb jump duty. Now rinse off.”

As soon as the water had been turned off Shepard was back to shivering. Samantha helped her to the bed swathing her in blankets. “You should,” Shepard clenched her chattering teeth, “you should come in here with me.”  
  
Samantha sat on the bed beside her, combing her fingers through Shepard’s hair. She swallowed hard. Avery was here. Avery was alive. She slipped beneath the covers and Shepard rolled onto her stomach laying her head on Samantha’s ribs. “You okay?” she murmured. That was one of the surprises of dating Commander Shepard. Avery was a cuddler. She’d never have thought.

Samantha chuckled, running her hands through Shepard’s hair, “I should be asking you that. How far down were you?” she made a sound, “nevermind. I don’t want to know.”

Tilting her head, Avery looked at her, “alright, Sam, what’s on your mind?”

Samantha took a long breath, “I’m just not used to… to…” 

_To letting my heart go running around outside my body and facing down hoards of reapers and then jump into some ancient Atlas and sink to the bottom of an ocean on an alien world. Just normal relationship problems._

“I’m not used to any of this.”

Avery reached an arm up and stroked her cheek, “hey, everything’s okay. I’m fine.”

Samantha nodded, “you came back. This time.” She hesitated, “what about next time?”

Avery’s eyebrows furrowed. She lay her head backdown on Samantha and was silent for a long moment. “I see,” she said finally.

“I was so frightened,” Samantha said softly, “I thought you were… I thought…” she couldn’t quite say it. “I knew your life was dangerous. I saw what happened on Tuchanka, and Mars, and Grissom, I just didn’t realize,” she stopped and tried again, “I didn’t think it would be so hard.”

“Are you,” Shepard asked, “are you okay with all this?”

Samantha shook her head, “I’m just, processing it. It’s one thing to say ‘oh my life is dangerous’ and another to watch it in real time.”

“You didn’t sign on for this,” Avery said softly, “any of this.”

Samantha shook her head, “that’s not true either,” she said, “I signed on for you. I knew it would be hard. I just know how hard now.”

“Are you sure?” Avery asked, “it’s not too late to back out. I’ll be okay.”

Chuckling, Samantha brushed the pesky hank of hair that always seemed to fall over Avery’s eyes off of her forehead. “Ah, but Commander I’m onto you,” she said, “you are like an egg.”

“An egg?” Shepard questioned.

“Hard outer coating with an ooey gooey center,” she said, “face it Avery, you’re all bark and no bite.”

Shepard grabbed her hand from where it stroked her hair and nipped playfully at her fingers, “oh really?”

Samantha giggled and swatted gently at her, “incorrigible woman.” She leaned back, “but I stand by my words. You might be able to headbutt a Krogan, but you’re all heart.”

“I don’t have many relationships, they don’t encourage it for us.” Shepard made a face, “for the reasons you’ve already mentioned. Since we got to the villa, hell, since we got to boot camp they’ve been warning us that the people we love might not be prepared for the kind of life we live.”

“So you just decided to foego relationships for, what? Decades?”

Shepard shifted uncomfortably, “not exactly…but…well… yeah.” She sighed, “you remember Mordin?”

Samantha nodded.

“Before…before he went up to the top of the Shroud on Tuchanka he said he had been so busy looking at the big picture he had missed all the little ones. You know he had a nephew?”

“He never mentioned,” Samantha said, “I know his death was hard for you.”

Avery frowned, “yeah, he was a good friend. But I’ve been looking at the big picture. I wwant you around, because you keep me sane. I never would have gone to Grissom if you hadn’t been here, or done half these tiny errands people send me off on. Avery met her eyes, “you make me want to be better even when I’m so tired I’d rather tell them all off.”

“And you make me want to be brave,” Samantha said. “Watching you risk your life without even thinking about it, makes me realize that I’m capable of more.”

“I’ll be fitting you for a set of armor soon,” Shepard said with a chuckle.

Samantha laughed, “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“You too could know the thrill of lobbing a grenade at a charging Krogan.” Avery’s grin was mischievous

“I can see it now,” Samantha said, “you lob the grenades, I’ll wield the shotgun, what could possibly go wrong. The couple that slays together…”

Avery laughed then looked up at her thoughtfully, “so what happens now?” She looked as if she were bracing for something. Running a hand along her shoulder Samantha noted she felt warmer. She hadn’t shivered in a while and color was coming back into her face.

“Now,” she said, “we’re going to have to make some adjustments.”

Avery raised an eyebrow. 

“I understand that you aren’t used to having anyone waiting for you at home, but now you have that,” Samantha braced herself, “so your girlfriend is giving you an order now. She looked Shepard in the eye, “never ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me, Avery.”

“Okay,” Avery said.

“If you’re going so far from comms I can’t reach you,” Samantha shook her head, “you have to ask me.”

Avery nodded slowly, “that’s reasonable,” she rolled onto her side, “come here.”

Samantha moved so she was nose to nose with Avery. Avery took one of her hands and placed it on her heart, “feel that?”

“Yeah.” She felt tears stinging at the back of her eyes and blinked hard.

“I’m alive right now,” Avery said softly, “and so are you. We’re alive and we’re together.”

Leaning her head forward, Samantha, buried her face in Avery’s neck. She felt strong arms wrap around her, “it’s okay Sam. I’m still here.”

Samantha let out a shaky breath. 

“Look at me for a second,” Avery said, nose to nose Samantha found herself drawn into the red-heads green eyes. She ran a hand down Avery’s jaw. The scars would dissappear, she knew, after the war. They’d find a way to have some peace some day. She already knew it.

“I can’t promise I’ll make it back, there might come a day when I don’t.”

“I know that,” Samantha said.

Avery nodded, “I promise you though, I’ll fight as hard as I can,” she narrowed her eyes, “I’ll fight my way through hell itself to make it back to you.”

They kissed. It started out frantic and desperate but slowed. When they parted Avery rested her forehead against Samantha’s. She took a long breath and then let out, “I love you.” She looked up and the anxiety in her eyes was almost too much for Samantha to bear.

“I love you too,” She said softly.

They kissed again, more slowly, Avery’s hands found hers and squeezed. “I’m not used to people…staying.” She rolled over on her back and Samantha rested her head on Avery’s shoulder. Her heart ached, there were ghosts in those words she hadn’t quite figured out how to exorcise yet. Someday she would ask. Not today.

“I’ll stay,” Samantha said, “as long as you like, love.”  



End file.
